Self Esteem and Guilt
by Carla Valencia
Self esteem and guilt are related because guilt is a symptom of low self-esteem that will now allow you to feel good about yourself. It is a feeling of culpability, from a sense of inadequacy or for imagined offences. When feeling guilty is persistent is called toxic.
I had spent most of my life taking care of other people needs and I have forgotten mine. For many years I played the role of a "good child", sometimes is called: "Responsible Child" - "Family Hero". I realized that in doing so every time I have succeeded I felt guilty; I had left (in my own thinking) my family behind.
What was my thinking? Those members of my family had to succeed and I had to help them in doing so. Therefore, if I succeeded I was in a way betraying them. I was feeling guilty and selfish.
People with low self esteem experience guilt because they feel bad about themselves. That was the difficulty running my life. I have to feel bad about myself until they feel good about themselves.
A Checklist
I have found this interesting list written by Dr. Matthew Anderson. These 25 statements are examples of thinking that causes toxic guilt. If you say yes to even one item, you have at least a small amount of toxic guilt. If you say yes to 5 or more, you need an inner revolution against the tyranny of toxic guilt.
I feel guilty when I:
- Eat
- Overeat
- Eat "bad" foods.
- Am overweight.
- Say "no."
- Am angry.
- Stand up for myself.
- Go first.
- Disagree with my parents (whether alive or dead).
- Am thin.
- Get attention.
- Take time for myself.
- Am loved.
- Am needy.
- Ask for help.
- Spend time with friends.
- Am not being productive.
- Don’t live up to my parent's expectations.
- Don’t do housework.
- Spend money on myself.
- Do what I want.
- Am not perfect.
- Am happy.
- Exist.
Feeling guilt doesn’t help to have a good self-esteem. Honoring yourself and honoring your needs is the answer. Read the article let go of guilt and stop feeling guilty all the time.
Date: 05/05/2008